Last week, I opened up about parenting through trauma, but today, I want to dig into something that hits even closer to home—parenting with Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). I have never officially been diagnosed with ADHD, but my teachers expressed concerns when I was in elementary school. My father's response, however, was less than supportive. His infamous line was, "I have ADD (the term used back then) on the back of my hand," implying all I needed was a good "whooping," and I'd be fine. I don’t fault him; it was a cultural response when schools said something was wrong with your black child. Ironically, as I grew older, especially during my graduate studies, I realized that my father had been the poster child for ADHD himself.
Looking back, I can see the signs: he was an athlete who struggled academically, always had a project in progress, and seemed to bounce from one thing to the next without ever truly sitting still. I didn't just see it in him either—my siblings share the same patterns, and now, as an adult who taught students with ADHD, it's clear that ADHD runs in the family. My struggles with reading, attention, and focus were for a reason I didn't fully understand back then, but I do now.
What does this have to do with parenting? Well, everything.
I now face the daily challenge of balancing my ADHD tendencies while trying to raise a child. One of the biggest hurdles is organization—or rather, staying organized. I love organization. I thrive in a space where things are neatly arranged, but keeping it that way is a different story. As soon as I get interrupted, the carefully constructed plan falls apart, and whatever project I was working on might stay unfinished for days, weeks, or even months.
When you're parenting with ADHD, interruptions are a constant part of life. A child's needs don't come with a neat schedule, and it's easy to feel overwhelmed when those needs pull you away from tasks you've barely started. It's not that I don't care about finishing the job—it's just that my brain struggles to pick up where I left off once that flow is broken.
The hardest part is not passing the same struggles to my children. I've seen the way ADHD has shaped me and my siblings, and while I want my children to feel understood and supported, I also want to equip them with the tools to navigate the challenges that come with ADHD, should they face them, too.
Parenting with ADHD means being hyper-aware of your tendencies so that you can help your children avoid some of the pitfalls. It's about finding strategies that work for both of you and learning to be gentle with yourself when things don't go according to plan.
I often think back to my father's dismissive comment and realize how far we've come in understanding ADHD. Instead of punishment, I focus on tools, empathy, and building habits that help me and my family manage the chaos without losing sight of what truly matters: connection, patience, and growth.
Here are some tips for managing ADHD, especially in the context of parenting and everyday life:
Break Tasks into Small Steps: Large tasks can feel overwhelming, so break them into smaller, manageable steps. Checking off small accomplishments can boost your motivation and keep you moving forward.
Use Timers and Alarms: ADHD can make time feel abstract. Set timers to track how long you're working on a task or remind you to switch to something else. This can prevent hyperfocus on one thing while neglecting others.
Create Routines and Stick to Them: Consistent routines help reduce decision fatigue and provide structure. Create morning, evening, or weekly routines for you and your family to follow, and stick to them as much as possible.
Designate "Distraction-Free" Zones: Having spaces in your home where distractions are minimized can help with focus. Set up a work area with fewer distractions to help you and your child focus on specific tasks like homework or other important activities.
Use Visual Reminders: Sticky notes, whiteboards, and visual planners are great tools for highlighting tasks and priorities. Color-code them if necessary, and place them in locations you frequently visit to reinforce accountability.
Practice Mindful Transitions: Shifting from one task to another can be difficult. Create buffer activities between functions, like a quick walk, stretching, or even a few deep breaths to refocus and reset before moving on.
Simplify Organization Systems: Overly complicated systems often fail. Try simple, user-friendly organizational strategies—like labeled bins for toys or files for paperwork—that you and your child can easily maintain.
Delegate and Share Responsibilities: Don't hesitate to share tasks with family members. If there's something someone else can help with, let them! It will lighten your load and reduce overwhelm.
Practice Self-Compassion: Recognize that it's okay to make mistakes or have days where things fall apart. Practice self-kindness and give yourself grace during those times.
Seek Professional Support: Therapists, ADHD coaches, or support groups can offer guidance and strategies tailored to your needs. Don't hesitate to reach out if you or your child need help.
Stay tuned for more on this journey. Like so many of us, I'm learning as I go.
With gratitude and a dash of courage,
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